From the Letters Department:

“Hey Ed, seems like you’re writing an awful lot about gay rights these days? People are starting to talk. Are you a queer?” –Jon

Not that it’s any of your business, Jon, but if I were gay you’d know it. I’d be proud of it. And I’d be good at it. I’d be the best damn gay in America. I’d bartend in all the hippest fem bars, wear all the crazy fem colors, say “You go, girl!” to all my fem friends and give these legendary blowjobs that’d make you go blind. Oh yes, Jon, if I were gay, you would know all about it.

I remember the day I discovered I was heterosexual.

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“I don’t know of any society that has embraced sodomy and survived.”
Pat Robertson

Day 1 (Monday, March 27, 2018 ):

I noticed it the moment I awoke; a peculiar feeling that somehow the very fabric of our existence had been altered in some terrible, irreversible manner.

I dragged myself out of bed, walked to the front room, looked out the window, and couldn’t believe what I saw. The sky was black and orange, emergency vehicles whizzed by, a dozen or so stalks of smoke and flame billowed from upturned automobiles, and a dog was trotting down the street with a charred human leg between his foaming jaws.

I retrieved the newspaper and read the headline: Supreme Court Decision Allows Gays to Marry: Very fabric of society torn.”

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Phobophobia  n. (fo-bo-fo-bee-uh) The fear of fear

Of all the results of Super Tuesday 2004, none so sickening as the overwhelming majority to strike down gay marriage. Of course, a lot of people don’t agree with this thesis. They say gay marriage wasn’t an important issue at all. That during a time when war is waging, the economy is teetering, our health care system is diseased, and The View is still on the air — that it was a huge waste of time arguing over such a silly non-issue as gay marriage.

Bullshit. (more…)

I’ve always hated the phrase homophobe. For one reason, calling someone a homophobe because they don’t agree with certain gay issues smacks a little close to, say, calling someone “unpatriotic” because they don’t agree with the war, or calling someone “racist” because they want tighter borders.

Secondly, not everyone who opposes gay marriage is afraid of gays. There may be some people who are, but there are all these other people out there who just think it’s wrong, and other people who think it’s ugly, and other people that really don’t mind it at all but just believe that a different word should be used to define a queer union, and all kinds of other people with all kinds of other emotions regarding homosexuality that don’t have anything to do with fear.

But lastly, and most significantly, the reason I loathe the word homophobe is because I just so happen to be one. Yes it’s true, I, Edwin John Decker Junior — son of Edwin John Decker Senior, son of the son of Earl Decker, who sailed from Scotland in a tattered raft and battled bigotry with bare knuckles when he arrived – am a stark raving homophobe. (more…)

When Rick Warren read his prayer at President Obama’s inauguration, the hairs on the necks of several million gay people stood erect. After all, it was Warren who equated homosexuality with polygamy and pedophilia.

Conservatives tend to agree with Warren, such as Mike Huckabee, who forecast that allowing gay marriage would lead to matrimony between “man and animal,” and James Dobson, who openly worried that gay nuptials could lead to “marriage between a father and a daughter.” (more…)

You know, it wasn’t until the Presidential debates that I discovered how utterly stupid is our President Bush. Before then, I was always the guy who argued in defense of the President’s intelligence. Not that I was a Bush fan or anything, I always believed you can not be an idiot and be the President of the United States at the same time.

Then came the debates and oh man did Bush look like someone who just fell off the turkey truck. Especially after the third debate, when he was asked if homosexuality was a choice and he responded, “I don’t know.”

Holy mother of wow!

How could a thinking human being in the twenty-first freaking century still believe that homosexuals choose to be gay?

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Have you heard about the proposed bill by the Alabama lawmaker to ban gay-oriented books from schools and libraries and state funded universities?

“Homosexuality is not healthy for America,” said Rep. Gerald Allen in a recent press conference, “it doesn’t fit what we stand for.”

If passed the bill would not just ban books about homosexuality but would also ban books written by gay authors, which would mean no more William Burroughs, Oscar Wilde, Tennessee Williams or that raging queen G. Gordon Liddy.

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As much as I can’t wait for the new Padre’s stadium (PETCO Park) to be finished, I just can’t resolve the fact that so many people’s homes and businesses were involuntarily confiscated and then bulldozed to accommodate our somewhat pathetic, insatiable need to be entertained by games.

I’m talking about Eminent Domain. (more…)