Archive for the ‘Last 10 Columns’ Category


Thursday, May 17th, 2012

BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, For those who don’t know, last Sunday, my wife produced the Ed Decker 50th Birthday Roast held at Winstons Beach Club. It was great, and, about AVODART, by “great, AVODART dose, ” I mean the way being shackled to the Judas Chair for a two-hour Spanish Inquisition is great. In all seriousness, a good time was had by all, buy AVODART online cod. My only regret was that the roast lasted so long that I didn’t have time to rebuke a lot of what was said about me. Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, Perhaps I’m breaking some sort of unwritten roast rule by responding ex post facto, but after the ass-reaming I received by my so-called friends, I don’t give a flying fart-factory about rules, buy AVODART from canada.

For instance, Jose Sinatra opened his set by saying, “I thought this was a wake!” and proceeded to sing a song about me being dead, which is funny coming from a man who appears to have been hit by a train and then reassembled by a hook-handed, alcoholic mortician, BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION.

Manya Buske told the crowd how—years before she met and married my pal, Buy AVODART no prescription, Duane—I got her drunk and tried to make out with her after she threw up.

Horseshit. I tried to make out with her before she threw up, AVODART long term, when she was still passed out. Is AVODART addictive, What kind of monster do you take me for. BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, Nearly all the roasters cracked wise about my uncommonly soft hands, questioning my masculinity. Yes, it is true, kjøpe AVODART på nett, köpa AVODART online, I do have soft hands. AVODART price, However, isn’t the most important function of the hands to masturbate. So, AVODART trusted pharmacy reviews, whose masculinity is in question here. Cheap AVODART, The guys who get their trophies shined by their own callous-covered, man-mitts or me for being manually serviced by my soft, sensual girly muffs, my AVODART experience.

Speaking of soft young women—a lot of grief was dished about how an old, fat slob like me could have scored a hot piece of ass like W, BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION. Well, AVODART canada, mexico, india, there are only three possibilities for this: 1) money—which we can eliminate immediately as I don’t have any; 2) girth—I could have an extraordinarily large phallus; and 3) damaged goods—perhaps there is something wrong with W.

[caption id="attachment_2082" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="She's hot, but she hates me"][/caption]

Maybe her credit has been ravaged or the vagina broken, AVODART natural. Maybe she nagged all her previous boyfriends into the grave. Doses AVODART work, Well, I can tell you that one of the latter two are true. BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, Either I am extraordinarily endowed, or there is something terribly wrong with W. I don’t care which you believe, AVODART without prescription.

Ted Washington told grandiose lies about my basketball skills. AVODART reviews,

Sandy Fimbres cruelly cracked wise about my cotton phobia. (Cotton phobia is no laughing matter woman!)

My old chum from boyhood, Tony Perrello, AVODART coupon, told some horribly embarrassing stories from my youth. For instance, he shared the now-infamous anecdote of The Zit Pin, BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION. Online buying AVODART,

Yes, it’s true, during my acne-addled teenage years, purchase AVODART, I used a sewing pin to pierce and drain whiteheads. Buy AVODART online no prescription, Laugh all you want, but anyone who’s had teenage acne knows it’s tolerable to have a few pimples—but whiteheads must be annihilated. And what do most teens do when the blinding, AVODART forum, blanched sun of a whitehead dawns upon their faces. AVODART cost, They squeeze them, which is an unsanitary and violent act (from the pimple’s perspective), only serving to anger and inflame the abomination, fast shipping AVODART. BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, So, I invented the Zit Pin Technique: You take an ordinary sewing pin, sanitize it with a lighter and prick a tiny hole into the beast with surgical precision. You then drain the fluids, Buy generic AVODART, pat with tissue and— voila—no more whitehead. Naturally, my “friends” all laughed about this, AVODART steet value. Alas, Where can i cheapest AVODART online, that’s how the world responds to innovative genius.

One of the big hits of the roast was when The Mother got on stage. Mom, who flew out from New York to attend the roast, complained about how she was in labor for 22 hours during my birth and that I’ve been an ungrateful bastard ever since, BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION. For this, buy no prescription AVODART online, and other comments, AVODART use, she received a robust standing ovation. Fine. Whatever, AVODART no rx. I just think you should know a little bit about the person for whom you applauded. BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, This is a woman who would come into my room in the wee morning hour and smush a cold, wet rag in my face singing, “Rise and shine and give God your glory-glory,” at the top of her lungs. AVODART dosage, This is a woman who, to amuse herself, would kick over the Monopoly game my friends and I had been playing for three hours, AVODART pictures.

This is a woman who, Purchase AVODART for sale, when I was 10, made me watch Psycho before bedtime, spurring a three-month recurring nightmare about her slashing me in my sleep, AVODART over the counter.

This is a woman who’ll stop at nothing to embarrass me. Cheap AVODART no rx, Get a load of this move: On a visit to New York last year, I asked if she wouldn’t mind dropping me off at the local watering hole on her way out to do some shopping. When we pulled up to the bar, there were about six or seven people out front smoking cigarettes, BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION. I stepped out of the car and shut the door—somewhat embarrassed to be 49 years old and driven around by mommy, where to buy AVODART.

As she pulled away, Buy cheap AVODART, this Monopoly-stomping, nightmare-inducing, wet-rag-smushing matriarch of maternal misconduct rolled down the window and—using the voice of a woman who just dropped her son off for his first day of school—shouted, generic AVODART, “Now, Is AVODART safe, Eddie, be a good boy and don’t stay out too late.”

The entire smoking lounge erupted in laughter as I darted past them to get inside.

Twenty-two hours of labor. Pffft. BUY AVODART NO PRESCRIPTION, I’ve spent 30,000 hours on the phone, fixing The Mother’s computer problems—which range from, “How do I turn it on?” to “What’s this mouse-like-looking thing?” The last time, she needed help using the Internet. I told her, “OK, now cut and paste the URL into the browser,” and she blurted, “Cut and paste!. You know I’m not good at arts and crafts!” Remember all this the next time you’re considering applauding her.



[caption id="attachment_2085" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Ted Washington hates me"][/caption]


[caption id="attachment_2086" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The deus hates me"][/caption]


[caption id="attachment_2087" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Drew hates me, by picking up on The Mother"][/caption]


[caption id="attachment_2088" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Inlaws like me"][/caption]


[caption id="attachment_2091" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Danielle LoPresti and Alicia Champion"][/caption]


[caption id="attachment_2092" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption=""Hi, I'm in a Ramones cover band. Wanna make out?""][/caption]






Thursday, May 17th, 2012

BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, “I was suspended from ABC Bar and Grill because I told some douchebag customers to never come back,” wrote Dr. X, NITRAZEPAM trusted pharmacy reviews, a bartender / server acquaintance, in a Facebook message.

Apparently, online buy NITRAZEPAM without a prescription, a party of 12 had run X ragged throughout their meal and afterward had asked to split the check six ways. NITRAZEPAM wiki, As every server knows, splitting checks is a royal pain in the cranium, but Dr, NITRAZEPAM price. X did as he was asked, Buy NITRAZEPAM no prescription, and they each repaid him by drawing a big, fat skink egg on the line where the tip should have gone—hence his recommendation that they never return.

“Instead of the owner having my back,” X wrote, “I was thrown under the bus and suspended for one shift…, BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION. I now know the owners do NOT have my back in these kinds of situations.”

“Dear Dr, NITRAZEPAM maximum dosage. X, Buy generic NITRAZEPAM, ” I responded, “You are lucky you didn’t get fired. You say the owners didn’t have your back, buying NITRAZEPAM online over the counter, but when you tell 12 paying customers, NITRAZEPAM reviews, in a recessed economy, to never return, it could be argued that it was you who didn’t have the boss’ back, buy NITRAZEPAM online no prescription, because I’ll bet dollars to Datsuns that all 12 of them are out there right now spreading the word about the rude service over at ABC Bar and Grill.”

Dr. Cheap NITRAZEPAM, X was thankful for my perspective and admitted that he had become “very cynical as of late.” This did not surprise me, as I’m quite certain Dr. BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, X suffers from a case of Acute Server burnout Disorder (ASBD).

Aside from confronting customers about tips, NITRAZEPAM long term, symptoms of ASBD include: red face; bulging neck veins; acid leakage from ears and eyeballs; a chronic, Discount NITRAZEPAM, condescending attitude; heavy drinking on shift; and a general antipathy for half of humanity, contempt for half of the other half and slavering disgust for the remaining half of the last half.

Dr, rx free NITRAZEPAM. X, NITRAZEPAM dose, take it from one who’s been there and had that, this disease is highly progressive. You must be proactive in preventing the spiral toward its irrevocable end-phase—when you become a hissing, is NITRAZEPAM addictive, seething man-lizard with razor-sharp talons and an empty, Real brand NITRAZEPAM online, black soul.

Look, I know as well as any how rotten it is to be stiffed on a large, troublesome table, but them’s the breaks, kid, BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION. Sometimes you get over-tipped and sometimes you get the cold, cruel rod of nada shoved up your ass, NITRAZEPAM dangers. My point is, NITRAZEPAM from mexico, obsessing about it only hurts you. If you plan to stay sane, you must forget about stiffers, NITRAZEPAM overnight. Instead, Get NITRAZEPAM, try to return to the mindset of those exciting early days when you were just starting out in the business. BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, I remember when I first got behind a bar; I couldn’t believe I was getting paid to work in a happy, fun, party place with great live music, smoking-hot girls, the ability to catch a funbuzz and serve customers who gave me more money than was the cost of the thing that I served to them.

What is this strange and magical thing they call “tips”!. I wondered, online buying NITRAZEPAM hcl.

And, Order NITRAZEPAM no prescription, yes, I know: Acute Server burnout is a disorder from which it is difficult to recover, especially in the final stages—when you hate the bar and the bands, NITRAZEPAM pictures, the funbuzzes become more murky and stygian and your clammy lizard claws are ready to carve out the organs of the first customer who stiffs you. Where can i order NITRAZEPAM without prescription, I know a waitress who chased a stiff all the way out to the parking lot and yelled at him in front of his friends.

I know a bartender who threw coins back at people if they dared not tip with paper currency, BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION.

I know several bartenders who refuse to put alcohol in the drinks of chronic stiffers.

I know a bartender who served a shot of bar-mat juice to a stiff, NITRAZEPAM steet value. Oh wait—that was me. Ordering NITRAZEPAM online, In my defense, it was 2:05 a.m., the lights were up and he asked— no exaggeration—about 10 times to serve him another drink, NITRAZEPAM use. BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, I kept saying, “We’re closed. You have to go, NITRAZEPAM for sale, ” but he refused to leave, until finally I told him I would give him a free shot if he would go.

He agreed, low dose NITRAZEPAM, so I poured the revolting bar-mat smegma into a rocks glass. Purchase NITRAZEPAM, The stiff was drunk enough to not notice and guzzled it down. He thanked me as he stumbled out the door. I’m not proud of this, BUY NITRAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION. But I was in the full-blown stages of ASBD and unaware of how reptilian a move that was, NITRAZEPAM schedule. And the customer did deserve some culpability for what happened. Purchase NITRAZEPAM online, I mean, he did, pretty much, NITRAZEPAM photos, ask for it. NITRAZEPAM coupon, Thus do we come full circle. Because all my ASBD-suffering friends and I wouldn’t have even developed this disorder were it not for guys like him. Being at the beck and call of thousands of shitty, buy cheap NITRAZEPAM, rude, NITRAZEPAM recreational, insensitive, loud, whiny, NITRAZEPAM street price, drunky, Online buying NITRAZEPAM, complainy, crude, violent, generic NITRAZEPAM, entitled, holier-than-thou, out-of-line, demanding, bellicose pecker-planters is exactly the reason the following public-service announcement will soon air on all major networks:

Narrator (in a foreboding voice): “Did you know eight out of every 10 service-industry employees will suffer from Acute Server burnout Disorder in their lifetime. For just a small percentage of the price of a meal (say, 15 to 20 percent), you can help stop the spread of this tragic disease; well, that and, you know, stop being such annoying ass-faces all the time. Don’t shout or whistle, triple-step the waiters, finish your drink when the bar closes or puke on the pool table; do the math on a 12-top check your own damn self, and if the servers are in the weeds, do like Otis Redding and ‘Try a Little Patienceness.’”

—Paid for by SASS (Servers Against Stiffs and Scalawags).



Thursday, May 17th, 2012

BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, I was at the bar, arguing with an ultra-right-wing, flag-lapel-pin-wearing idiot automaton about the lack of separation between church and state when he blurted, “If you don’t like this country as it was created, then leave!”

Ah, yes, the classic “America, love it or leave it” retort. I actually hadn’t heard this one in a while, BIAXIN without a prescription, Buy no prescription BIAXIN online, thinking it was finally discarded in favor of, you know, is BIAXIN safe, BIAXIN alternatives, intelligent discourse. However, BIAXIN images, BIAXIN pharmacy, a quick Google search when I got home revealed that the Love-it-or-Leaviters are alive and well and still espousing Love It or Leave It theory (LILI) as if it were a golden gem of genius and not what it really is—an angry response for when you have no response to the brilliant point I just made.

I don’t know why I was surprised, where can i cheapest BIAXIN online. What is BIAXIN, “Love It or Leave It!” definitely belongs on the Greatest Hits album of the ultra-right, along with such other charttoppers as “Hit the Road Black (Ode to Obama), cheap BIAXIN no rx, Online BIAXIN without a prescription, ” “Global Warming’s a Joke,” “Fuck the Environmental Police” and the wildly popular anti-marijuana ballad, after BIAXIN, Buy BIAXIN online cod, “Stairway to Heroin.”

“There’s a dealer who knows / pot smoking leads to harder drugs / and he’s plying a stairway to heroin” 

The phrase “America, love it or leave it” is what’s known as a false dilemma because it supposes only two options when actually they are bottomless, BIAXIN blogs. For instance, it’s entirely reasonable to “Love it and leave it.” You can also be mildly fond of it and stay, BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION. BIAXIN no prescription, You can hate it, die and be buried here—the toxicity of your America-hating corpse seeping into the soil and contaminating it for eternity, BIAXIN online cod. No prescription BIAXIN online, And let’s not forget, “America: I don’t love it; I don’t hate it; I honestly don’t care one way or the other, order BIAXIN online c.o.d, Where can i buy cheapest BIAXIN online, but I ain’t leaving because ignorant, unsophisticated flag-sycophants don’t tell me where I get to live.”

There are just so many problems with LILI theory that it’s difficult to know where to begin, purchase BIAXIN online no prescription. Buy BIAXIN without prescription, For one, anybody who wasn’t born with a ratty wad of used McCain / Palin campaign stickers for a brain knows that just because someone disagrees with his country doesn’t mean he doesn’t love it, effects of BIAXIN. Kjøpe BIAXIN på nett, köpa BIAXIN online, Secondly, why do you care what I think about America, doses BIAXIN work. BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, Are you so insecure about the character of this nation that you must oversee how other people feel about it. BIAXIN over the counter, Isn’t America best when it earns our love and respect, without having to demand it, BIAXIN pics. Buy BIAXIN from mexico, Isn’t that the true test of a great country—when it has the confidence in itself to let its citizens feel however they want to feel about it.

Part of this nation’s greatness is its embrace of dissent, BIAXIN australia, uk, us, usa. Fast shipping BIAXIN, We’ll always have people who openly hate this country, because America was designed to let them openly hate it, BIAXIN treatment, BIAXIN samples, which means, you LILIlivered liberty-lickers, taking BIAXIN, BIAXIN mg, if you don’t like that some Americans don’t like America, then you don’t like America as it was “created” and it is you who should leave, BIAXIN duration. So, either stop complaining or go the fuck back to Waahfrica, BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION. Comprar en línea BIAXIN, comprar BIAXIN baratos, Don’t worry, you’ll love it there, buy cheap BIAXIN no rx. Purchase BIAXIN for sale, Because in Waahfrica, everyone must wear flag lapel pins, about BIAXIN, BIAXIN gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, everyone must recite the Pledge of Allegiance and everyone must become a member of at least one of the country’s countless waahctivist groups, such as Families for People Having to Leave Waahfrica if They Don’t Love Waahfrica or Veterans Against Deceased Waahfrica-Haters Being Buried on Waahfrican Soil, where to buy BIAXIN. BIAXIN no rx, But of all the things that drive me crazy about you LILIputians, it’s your brazen hypocrisy that tips the hippo: When there’s something I don’t like about America, I’m anti-American and I have to go, but when it’s something you don’t like, that’s perfectly acceptable. And, oh yes, there’s plenty that you don’t like about America: You don’t like our abortion laws, our immigration laws, our meddlesome gun laws, our tax laws, our medical-marijuana laws, our labor laws and our environmental laws. BUY BIAXIN NO PRESCRIPTION, Add to that the president, our process-heavy legal system, ACLU, NEA, PBS, IRS, Medicare, welfare and the greatest of all American staples—hot, steamy sex just for the sport of it.

The list of things that the Loveit-or-Leaviters can’t stand about America is as deep and wide as Michelle Duggar’s wasted babyhole, yet nobody ever says “Love it or leave it” to them. And that’s because those of us who don’t have a bag of rusty flag pins where our brains used to be know that the world is more complex than a single, infantile cliché.

We know that if everyone had to leave America because there was something they didn’t love about it, the only people left would be infants, the comatose and Persian nightclub owners.

We know there’s a huge difference between loving America and understanding that it’s not perfect—even if we disagree on how to improve it.

We know the whole point of a democracy is that we get to at least try to change what we don’t like. How can anyone other than a hypocritical LILIdouchian flagophant not know that.

“Git up git git git down / Global warming is a joke in yo town.” —“Global Warming is a Hoax” by Public Hegemony.

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Thursday, May 17th, 2012

PROSCAR FOR SALE, ….and faster than America can overreact to something Rush Limbaugh said, my life was changed by a 99-cent iPhone application. Holla-freaking-Looya, canada, mexico, india. Buy PROSCAR from canada, The app is called Code Red, and what it is, my PROSCAR experience, PROSCAR canada, mexico, india, what it does—well it has saved my sanity, and quite likely, PROSCAR natural, PROSCAR description, my life.

Code Red is an ingenious little tool that warns you when your wife or girlfriend—or any cohabitating female for that matter—is about to have her period, PROSCAR brand name. PROSCAR forum, How it works is simple. You open the calendar, enter the date of the beginning of your lady’s last menstrual cycle, and Code Red does the rest, PROSCAR FOR SALE.

Code Red has four basic alerts: Smooth Sailing, PROSCAR dosage, Australia, uk, us, usa, Ovulation, PMS and, where can i find PROSCAR online, PROSCAR class, naturally, Code Red, PROSCAR price, coupon. PROSCAR from canadian pharmacy, At the start of each of her, um, order PROSCAR from United States pharmacy, Herbal PROSCAR, tidal phases, a pop-up banner alerts you to the situation, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal. PROSCAR cost, The Smooth Sailing pop-up informs you in cool blue text that “the seas are calm and the coast is clear,” followed by a series of tips about how to capitalize on this phase such as, where can i buy PROSCAR online, PROSCAR from canada, “Now is the time to tell her about the Vegas trip you are about to book with the boys.”

After Smooth Sailing comes the Ovulation alert, in light orange text that says, buy PROSCAR without a prescription, PROSCAR pictures, “She is fertile . , PROSCAR no rx. . Online buying PROSCAR hcl, and extra horny,” and provides a series of helpful tips to prevent you from spoiling your opportunity to get laid, effects of PROSCAR. PROSCAR blogs, Including:

“Time to rediscover Sade.”

“Light a candle (yes, it really is that easy).”

“Wear good underwear, purchase PROSCAR online. Where can i cheapest PROSCAR online, Save the ripped ones for period weeks.”

After Ovulation, is more Smooth Sailing, order PROSCAR from mexican pharmacy, Generic PROSCAR, followed by the PMS Alert—in a foreboding dark orange text that blares, “INCOMING!” It’s rather startling the first few times you encounter it—like a tornado siren in a trailer park—and takes some getting used to, buy PROSCAR without a prescription. PROSCAR duration, “It is time to prepare for the storm ahead,” followed by a dozen-or-so tips including:

“Compliment her hair, buy generic PROSCAR. Remember, it doesn’t look cute, it looks sexy.”

“Give her the remote, PROSCAR FOR SALE. About PROSCAR, Learn to love Lifetime.”

 “Send a random ‘I love you text.’ Don’t abbreviate with a ‘U.’”

“Happily agree to go to (annoying place) even though castration sounds more appealing.”

Then comes the alert you’ve been dreading, foretelling the arrival of the scarlet tsunami: Code Red, buy PROSCAR from canada. Where to buy PROSCAR, “If she complains about cramps, bloating, PROSCAR long term, PROSCAR dosage, depression [etc.], shake your head sympathetically and say, buy PROSCAR online cod, Fast shipping PROSCAR, ‘I have no idea how you deal with this month after month. You’re amazing.’”

“If you have plans, say you’d rather stay home. Chances are she’ll want you to leave and then it will seem like her idea.”

“Don’t touch her breasts. PROSCAR FOR SALE, They ache, but not for you.”

Code Red was created by Lisi and Kevin Harrison, a husband and wife team who have been together for “180 menstrual cycles.”

“It’s good for everyone,” says Lisi, “a giant step towards world peace.”

Now, I will grant you, most of the tips seem obvious but, as a brain-dead married man, I often miss the tell-tale signs for when Mars Attacks my homestead. And I often (read: always) forget to do the things they suggest. It’s great to have organized reminders so I can implement such strategies without thinking too much about it. After all, what do married men want most but to not think about all this marital maintenance minutia.

Oh Code Red, where have you been all my life.

My one complaint about the application is that it only accounts for normal women with normal menses, PROSCAR FOR SALE. There are no tips for men who are living with that certain, special menstrual case—like my wife for example, whose merlot mongoose is so vicious, it will rip the entrails out of your wife’s mongoose then walk off cackling and licking blood from its claws.

Where most women have periods, my wife has exclamation points. Three of them!!.

True story: we once hired a team of professional hit men to assassinate my wife’s menstrual cycle but they were found dead in the gutter with sharpened tampons shoved into their eyes. PROSCAR FOR SALE, The point is, for guys in my extraordinary situation, Code Red should include a more advanced, more preventative section of tips—the kind of tips a fella really needs when the ship hits the glands—tips like:

Retrieve plate mail armor from attic.
Remove knives from kitchen drawer.
Cancel life insurance plan (no need to provide her further incentive to murder you in the heart).
Remove “Goodbye Earl,” and “Janie’s Got a gun,” from her iPod.
Fake own death.
Buy puppy she’s been wanting (it’ll give her something to kill other than you).

And for Smooth Sailing tips I would add:

Repair windows and walls. Replace broken dishes.
Email friends and family: “Still alive, thanks for your concerns.”
Bury puppy and give eulogy: “You took one for the team, Job. You shan’t be forgotten.”
Rekindle romance—with your Xbox!

By the way, Code Red tells me that it will be “Smooth Sailing” when this article runs. That’s no accident. I would never have gotten away with it otherwise. Thank you Code Red.



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Thursday, March 8th, 2012

[caption id="attachment_1993" align="aligncenter" width="368" caption="Sirens' Crush"][/caption]


~Originally published in San Diego CityBeat Magazine CIPRO FOR SALE, When I moved to San Diego, I fell instantly in love. . Where can i buy CIPRO online, . with the local original-music scene. See, ordering CIPRO online, back in small-town Monroe, Online buy CIPRO without a prescription, N.Y., in the early ’80s, there was only one bar that hosted bands, CIPRO from mexico, and it was always cheesy cover music. In contrast, the ’80s were a great time for original talent in San Diego, CIPRO FOR SALE. CIPRO samples, Thanks to artists like The Beat Farmers, Mojo Nixon, Dread Zeppelin, rx free CIPRO, The Rugburns, My CIPRO experience, The Paladins, The Jacks and Donkey Punch, I quickly turned into a gluttonous devotee of originals and, CIPRO street price, at the same time, CIPRO wiki, a despiser of cover bands.

It pains me to say it, but for a good 20 years, real brand CIPRO online, I was a bona fide, Buy CIPRO from mexico, card-carrying, dues-paying Original Music Snob (OMS). My hometown experiences had led me to believe that all cover music was cheesy, CIPRO dosage, not realizing that A) that wasn’t true and B) cheesy music can be a crap-load of fun if you allow it to be. CIPRO street price, It wasn’t until five years ago that I changed my mind. CIPRO FOR SALE, I was asked to judge an annual cover-music contest that Viejas produces. It’s called the Ultimate Music Challenge, and over a span of 11 weeks, after CIPRO, 40 cover bands compete for a purse of 40, Buy CIPRO online no prescription, 000 cash-money-liquid-wampum dollars. While judging this competition, something happened that I wasn’t expecting, CIPRO reviews. I loved it. Buy cheap CIPRO, The event totally reversed my opinion of cover music.

[caption id="attachment_1996" align="aligncenter" width="390" caption="Cash'd Out wins first prize at UMC 1"][/caption]

So, while this issue of CityBeat is devoted to all the excellent original bands of San Diego (CityBeat staffers are notorious OMSs), I tip my hat to the red-headed stepchildren of the scene, and will hopefully change some minds to boot, CIPRO FOR SALE.

Ever since doing the Ultimate Music Challenge, my OMS friends have declined my invitations to witness the spectacle, CIPRO use. When asked why, CIPRO pictures, they typically responded the way I’d always responded: “Cover music is not art” and/or “There’s no talent involved.”

To the latter, I now say “Pfft!” It takes an enormous amount of talent and hard work to re-create the nuances and capture the essence of other bands. I know because I’ve seen hundreds fail trying, CIPRO results. However the great ones, Cheap CIPRO no rx, what they do—it’s a goddamn miracle. CIPRO FOR SALE, In fact, I can make the argument that it’s more difficult to be in a cover band, because a cover band has to sound like—nay, become—another band, whereas original artists merely have to be themselves.

Is it art. Well, online buying CIPRO, that depends on your definition. CIPRO canada, mexico, india, But here’s the thing: Why must it be art. Why can’t it just be, you know, where can i find CIPRO online, entertaining. Must a hamburger be art in order for it to be enjoyed, CIPRO FOR SALE. CIPRO overnight, This is what snobbery does to a person: It puts up a wall of superiority between us and the things we might otherwise fancy.

Ultimate Music Challenge obliterated my Great Wall of Snobbery almost instantly. I remember the first night, CIPRO steet value. Of the five bands that played, Online CIPRO without a prescription, three were spectacular. CIPRO FOR SALE, However, when I realized I was actually enjoying myself, the little OMS on my shoulder told me, “This is lame, dude. Get out now before you blow your street cred!” Then another little guy appeared on my other shoulder. It was OMG (Open-minded Music Guy), CIPRO gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, and OMG stuffed a rag in OMS’s mouth and said, CIPRO photos, “It don’t need to be art, ya old crank. It just needs to be great.”

Indeed, CIPRO pics, many of these bands are great (disclosure: some are friends)—bands like The Ultimate Stones, CIPRO duration, who look, sound and seem so much like the real thing that the original Stones are wondering how anybody snuck past their burglar alarms to pinch their DNA in the middle of the night.

[caption id="attachment_1998" align="aligncenter" width="235" caption="Mick "Jagged" of The Ultimate Stones"][/caption]

Like Siren’s Crush—a fun-loving, CIPRO without prescription, talk-boxing, CIPRO long term, dance-party-pop group with some of the tightest, virtuosic musicians in the area and three sumptuous concubines taking turns on vocals, synchro-dancing their asses off, CIPRO from mexico, and changing in and out of a beguiling array of costumes.

Like Monsters of Rock, who play a variety of metal tunes by Maiden, Sabbath, Queensryche and others; form a wall of guitars that sound like two trains passing each other in the tunnel between here and Hades; and feature an ensorcelled singer whose high-pitched howls regularly shatter the windows in that Hell-bound train, CIPRO FOR SALE. Buy CIPRO online cod, [caption id="attachment_2001" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Monsters of Rock tear up UMC 5"][/caption]

Like Alice and the Cooper Gang, complete with 11-foot albino python, functioning guillotine, generic CIPRO, bizarre stage props and quasi-violent stage antics such as beheading random audience members. CIPRO forum, Like Geezer, who perform Weezer mash-ups in the character of old men. They hobble on stage with walkers, doses CIPRO work, take occasional naps and gripe about their grandchildren. Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, Like AC/DC tribute Back 2 Black, featuring a Brian Johnson look- and sound-alike and a guitarist who channels Angus. Like CIPRO FOR SALE, Hey. Ho, CIPRO interactions. Let’s Go!, who have a classically trained vocalist who sang for the San Diego and Lyric Operas yet rocks the Ramone voice at will. Like the Beatles tribute Help!, whose primary frontman is a ringer for John Lennon. Like Cash’d Out, a sickeningly masterful Johnny Cash replica.

[caption id="attachment_2003" align="aligncenter" width="194" caption="Alice and the Cooper Gang"][/caption]

Like Three Chord Justice, who do a cover of “Jolene” that will make you weep, CIPRO FOR SALE. Like Electric Waste Band, who’ve been summoning the ghosts of the Grateful Dead since before Jerry died. Like Dazed and Confused, Clay Colton, Skynyrd’s Innyrds, Funk’s Most Wanted, Phil Diiorio, Stellita’s Groove, The Tighten ups, Firefly and 6one9.

All of these bands are still active, so I implore you, OMSs: Give cheese a chance. And when the guy on your shoulder starts talking shit, just shove a rag in his mouth and say, “Shut up, ya old crab. I’m trying to hear this.

Ed Decker

[caption id="attachment_2004" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Ultimate Stones win UMC 3"][/caption].

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Thursday, February 23rd, 2012



Originally Published in San Diego CityBeat Magazine BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION,  

It has been two weeks since my beloved New York Giants took Super Bowl XLVI, and still the pernicious missives from my Giants-Hating Chargers-fan friends keep rolling in.

“F__k the Giants and that cry baby Eli Manning, About GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, ” writes A., via email.

“Eli is still the Devil, get GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE,” says B., GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE recreational, on my Facebook wall.

“Eli and the Giants are the only team that can make me root for the Patriots,” blurts C., is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE addictive, from a neighboring stool at The Tilted Stick. GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE blogs, The anti-Manning vitriol really snowballed in the weeks leading to the Super Bowl, but I’ve pretty much been hearing this stuff from Chargers-Loving Anti-Manning Malcontents (CLAMMs) since 2004. For those who don’t remember, the Chargers were planning to select Manning in the first round of the 2004 draft, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. However, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE trusted pharmacy reviews, in a rare (though precedented) move, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE schedule, Manning refused to sign with the Chargers, instantly turning every Charger fan into a Manning-despising, Giants-hating activist and utterly complicated my life as a native New Yorker living in San Diego, where can i buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online.

See, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE cost, I’m a Giants fan by birthright. However, being that I’ve lived in San Diego for most of my adult life and absolutely love this town, order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE from mexican pharmacy, I also root for the Bolts. Buying GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online over the counter, And ever since the Manning / Chargers hubbub, I’ve come to feel like a child watching his parents go through an ugly divorce. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, So, I write this column to ask all my CLAMMy pals: Now that the dust has settled on Super Bowl 46, isn’t it time to let go of your grudge against the Giants. Not only because we’ve twice crushed your arch-enemy Patriots—left them so badly mangled and twitching on their own 49-yard line that they’ll never be able hurt you or your Chargers again—but also because Manning got a bum rap, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE used for. It’s true. GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE samples, The only thing he did wrong in 2004 was make a brilliant career move.

With a record of 4-12, the 2003 Chargers were one of the worst teams in the universe, my GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE experience. Even the Tralfamadore Swampworms of ’82 were better than the ’03 Chargers, who, if you remember, had an offensive line that couldn’t stop The Dixie Chicks, receivers who couldn’t catch a shoplifter in a refrigerator store and a defense that formed a human pyramid every time coach said they needed a “goal-line stand.” Worst of all was that Manning knew the Spanos-addled front office—as we all know now—could never win a Super Bowl, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION.

If you don’t think that was enough motivation to keep him from signing, Discount GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, then just imagine what holiday dinners at the Manning house would have been like if he had. Picture father Archie Manning—the QB legend—at the head of the table, boasting, kjøpe GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE på nett, köpa GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online, “Did y’all see Peyton throw that winning touchdown in the fourth quarter last night. Is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE safe, Outstanding!” And his mother, Olivia—the former Homecoming Queen—cooing, “Oh, purchase GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, yes, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without a prescription, Arch, our son the superstar threw for 350 yards and six touchdowns!” And Cooper, the other brother, herbal GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, saying, Comprar en línea GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, comprar GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE baratos, “Hey, Peyton, can I touch your ring again?” Meanwhile, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE no prescription, Eli toys with his food and silently mopes. Cheap GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, “So, Eli,” Archie says, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE description, finally aware of his youngest son’s existence, Rx free GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, “how’s it going down there in, um, in—what’s the name of that town again, where can i cheapest GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, San D’onofre. San Da Cruz. Where can i buy cheapest GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online, San Dancisco. Olivia, help me out here.”

“San Diego, what is GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, honey, Order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE from United States pharmacy, ” Olivia says.

“Yeah, that’s it, purchase GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online no prescription. How’s it going with the San Diego Churros, Eli?”

“Great dad—only got sacked 15 times on Sunday, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Oh, Online buying GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE hcl, and I would have completed my first TD pass of the season if Osgood hadn’t ducked from the ball!”

“Why did he do that?”

“He thought a fan was throwing feces at him again.”

I know what you’re thinking, CLAMMs. You’re thinking, buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without a prescription, OK, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE price, maybe, the 2003 Chargers stunk, but Manning cheated, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE maximum dosage. He didn’t abide by the rules of the draft. Effects of GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, Wrong. BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, You do not have to play for the team that drafts you. The rules state that if a player refuses to sign, then he’s not allowed to play in the upcoming season, low dose GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE, but he can re-enter the draft the following year, Buy GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE without prescription, which was a risk Manning was willing to take. And the risk paid off—for everyone. The Chargers drafted Manning and traded him to the Giants for (ultimately) Philip Rivers, GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE dangers, Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding. Order GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online c.o.d, Regardless, San Diegans raved with contempt and have been calling Manning a “cry baby” ever since. But I never understood this, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Why begrudge a person for wanting to improve his station in life, buy no prescription GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE online. How does that make him a “cry baby”. If you think about it, it’s actually the opposite. When you take hold of the reins of your life—when you change something about it that you don’t like—that’s not crying, that’s doing.

Crying is when you complain about something you can’t BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION, change—like, say, when a coveted football player snubs your team. “Waah, waah, wah, Eli doesn’t like us, waah, waah” is what it sounds like to me. As for Manning, he’s no baby. Manning’s the Man, man. He never complains or talks shit in the media. He doesn’t get rattled in the pocket or point fingers when he’s knocked down, BUY GENERIC PRILIGY DAPOXETINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Dude’s a badass.

So, c’mon San Diego, don’t be sore. He just wasn’t that into you is all. Time to kiss and make up, you know, for the sake of the children. That’d be me—for the sake of me. I can’t stand it when the two of you fight.

Ed Decker

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Friday, January 27th, 2012

BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION, Well, Jay-Z and Beyoncé finally had their baby, which can only mean one thing: Here comes another baby song!

You know what I’m talking about, right. Fast shipping MOTOFEN, One of those intolerable, "Oh-my-precious-little-angel-it’s-a-miracle-that-you-were-born-unto-me" tunes that a songwriter is compelled to write every time he or she pops out another squirmer.

Whether you believe newborn babies are miraculous gifts from God or subterranean alien vampire-rats bent on draining your life force, MOTOFEN class, MOTOFEN pharmacy, can we at least agree that songs about babies tend to suck rusty buckets of contaminated amniotic fluid?

And this new tune by Jay-Z is especially abominable.

“You’re a child of destiny / You’re the child of my destiny / You’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child / That’s a hell of recipe.”

OK. I want you to pause for a moment and marvel at the pure hideosity of that line: “You’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child.” I want you to bask in the rays of its badness like a pale-skinned woman on an overpowered tanning bed; absorb the radiation of it on your face and neck—mind not the blisters and the hair loss— for a lyric as bad as this is a thing to behold.

Britney Spears’ “My Baby” is no less irradiated: “With no words at all / So tiny and small / In love I fall / My precious love / Sent from above / My baby boo / God I thank you.”

I want you to imagine that you’re Britney’s baby being spoon-fed in the kitchen, MOTOFEN natural, MOTOFEN over the counter, when suddenly mommy starts singing that song to you. Wouldn’t you eject the strained carrots onto her shirt and blurt, ordering MOTOFEN online, MOTOFEN mg, “Bitch, you better get your ass back in the rehearsal studio!”?

In Brit’s defense, MOTOFEN coupon, Taking MOTOFEN, “My Baby” sounds like a John Prine political ditty compared with Creed’s criminally negligent baby ballad, “With Arms Wide Open.” The worst part about that afterbirth is the video, where to buy MOTOFEN, Order MOTOFEN no prescription, which features singer Scott Stapp posing on a mountain top, his “arms wide open” toward the sky, MOTOFEN price, coupon, MOTOFEN for sale, his long, gorgeous Jesus-locks blowing in the wind and the fetor of a thousand soiled diapers blustering from his howl-hole.

Speaking of mucky diapers, canada, mexico, india, Where can i order MOTOFEN without prescription, Lauryn Hill’s baby song, “To Zion, purchase MOTOFEN for sale, MOTOFEN no rx, ” is a rash on the ass of all that is right and good. Lord knows Hill is full of herself, buy MOTOFEN from canada, MOTOFEN alternatives, but how much of a messiah complex must you have in order to name your kid Zion?

And, look, purchase MOTOFEN online, MOTOFEN treatment, I dig Stevie Wonder as much as the next guy, but “Isn’t She Lovely” isn’t, order MOTOFEN online overnight delivery no prescription. The melody is as mesmeric as a busted mobile, and all Stevie does is sing “Isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful, isn’t she special” over and over again like a drill burrowing into the part of the brain that represses the urge to take sniper shots at random pedestrians.

I will concede that John Lennon’s song for Sean, “Beautiful Boy,” is lovely, BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION. MOTOFEN australia, uk, us, usa, But I often wonder how messed up it must be for Julian whenever he hears his dad gushing on the radio or jukebox, “Beautiful, australia, uk, us, usa, MOTOFEN from canada, beautiful, beautiful… darling, no prescription MOTOFEN online, Online buy MOTOFEN without a prescription, darling, darling Sean”—given that Lennon neglected Julian as a child, MOTOFEN images, MOTOFEN from canadian pharmacy, which makes Lennon something of a parental dickweed, nullifying any fatherhood songs written by him.

The list goes on, buy MOTOFEN no prescription. Buy cheap MOTOFEN no rx, The Dixie Chicks’ baby anthem “Godspeed” is in dire need of a spanking. “Prayer for You” by Usher should have been terminated in the first trimester, MOTOFEN online cod. Buy generic MOTOFEN, “Just the Two of Us” by Will Smith needs a circumcision—at the base. And it’s utterly impossible to keep your formula down should you happen to hear “In my Daughter’s Eyes” by Martina McBride.

BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION, And, yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, MOTOFEN dose, MOTOFEN brand name, Oh, Ed, MOTOFEN schedule, Buy MOTOFEN without a prescription, you hate baby songs because you don’t have any children and don’t understand the miracle of new life.


You needn’t be a parent to understand the miracle of new life, MOTOFEN results. MOTOFEN use, Nor do you need to understand the miracle of life to scrutinize a song about the miracle of life, just as I don’t need to live in South Central L.A, MOTOFEN for sale. to know “Straight Outta Compton” is a badass song about living in South Central L.A.

No, these baby songs suck for two simple reasons:

1. Childbirth is such an enormous, sentimental event in most of our lives that our emotions can be easily manipulated, BUY MOTOFEN NO PRESCRIPTION. You could write the lamest piece of cliché-addled garbage and everyone will blubber over it, leaving songwriters no incentive to compose something truly original and profound.

2. Baby songs never tell the whole story about parenting—no tunes about sleepless nights and bedraggled days; no odes about giving up your dreams, your friends, your drugs and your porn collection; no power ballads about how you’ll age an average of five years for every day you cohabitate with a toddler. There are no verses that mention that the only movies you’ll be permitted to watch for the next dozen years will feature talking cartoon animals and worse, a moral to the story, nor are there any refrains about how your sacrifices will go unappreciated—because they think it’s  invisible elves who stock the refrigerator and replace the toilet paper—and the day will come when not only will they not appreciate you; in fact, they will hate you. Sure as the babysitter will raid the liquor cabinet and blow her boyfriend on your couch, your children are going to hate your guts.

This is the thanks you’ll get for giving them life, because they are cold, cruel tyrants, and you are but a peasant who mollycoddles them. Hmm, I like that: “Cold Cruel Tyrant.” Now, see, that’s a baby song that needs to be written!.



Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

BUSPAR FOR SALE, Well, hoe-lee crap did my last column thwack a hornets nest or what?. The angry responses are still swarming in.

The column was called, “Sons of Lame-Archy.” In it, Buy no prescription BUSPAR online, I razzed the concept of biker clubs and gangs. The part that caused the brouhaha was a digression in which I lamented that none of the gay biker-gang names I saw online had any of that queer flair I love so much, like—and I don’t mean to re-inflame—“Hell’s Anals, The Sodomites and The Mangols.”

I meant no offense. They were just the kind of flamboyant biker-club names that I thought celebrated homosexuality, buy cheap BUSPAR no rx, the kind of gay-biker-gang names that said, "In your face, homophobe. We are no longer going to ride in the closet!” The kind of biker gangs I would join if I happened to be gay or even entice my hypothetical gay biker son to join when if he was old enough.Among the swarm of angry emails, tweets, Face-pastes and blog-floggings were several responses from staffers of San Diego Gay and Lesbian News (SDGLN), including publisher Johnathan Hale, who reported my column to GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), and assistant editor Morgan Hurley, who tweeted that “There is NO appropriate context for those types of words,” and wrote a column in which she criticized me for, among other things, not apologizing, BUSPAR FOR SALE. BUSPAR interactions, That’s when the bees really started buzzing.

And while I received a lot of support from members of the LGBT community, a lot more sent very angry, accusatory missives, all of which boiled down to one or all of the following questions 1, BUSPAR description. Is Ed Decker a homophobe. 2. BUSPAR FOR SALE, Is it ever permissible to use bigoted epithets. 3. BUSPAR used for, Does Ed Decker owe an apology.

1. Is Ed Decker a homophobe? Not even close. My queer-friendly street cred is airtight, BUSPAR FOR SALE. For starters, I have written dozens of columns in which I ferociously argued in favor of gay rights and viciously attacked its enemies, BUSPAR pharmacy.

Second, I, too, Where to buy BUSPAR, have been a victim of homophobia—in the workplace. True story: The company for which I worked at the time had transferred me to a new store. For reasons that don't matter here, I was favored by the supervisor (who was thought to be gay), and an assumption spread that I, BUSPAR street price, too, was queer. BUSPAR FOR SALE, It didn’t take long before I was uniformly outcasted, ridiculed, sabotaged and—get this—poisoned.

Last on my list of pro-gay cred is the fact that—wait for it—some of my best friends are gay. BUSPAR class, Yup. I said it. Some of my best friends are gay. Why shouldn’t I say that, BUSPAR FOR SALE. If I hang out with gay people, it sort of defeats the whole homophobe concept, get BUSPAR, no. Cases in point are two of my closest friends in the world, Danielle LoPresti and Alicia Champion (founders of San Diego IndieFest), Cheap BUSPAR no rx, who have appointed me as godfather to their newborn son, Xander Lucian, and have asked me to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding. I haven’t decided whether I should go in drag; regardless, if a man agrees to be a bridesmaid in lesbian wedding, where can i order BUSPAR without prescription, well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be long before he gets kicked off the Fallbrook Annual Aryan Homophobic Apple Bob and Barbecue Planning Committee.

[caption id="attachment_1921" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="The LoPresti-Champion family"][/caption]

2. Is there ever a time when it’s permissible to use bigoted epithets? BUSPAR FOR SALE, Great question. BUSPAR brand name, Answer: Yes.

Ms. Hurley likened the FGGT-word to the N-word, which is a reasonable comparison. She also said that it was “never, purchase BUSPAR online no prescription, ever” OK to use these words, which means I need only one example to prove her wrong. Of course, I have many (such as Louis CK’s hilarious and obviously non-hateful bit about the FGGT-word), Lenny Bruce's various uses of the F- and N-words, but my favorite happened about a year ago, in the live-music bar where I worked, BUSPAR FOR SALE.

That night, BUSPAR long term, we had a touring band consisting of members of different lineages—two Africans, two Mexicans, an Arab, an Asian and a couple of crackers for good measure. When the night was over, order BUSPAR online overnight delivery no prescription, the band and some of their friends drank at the bar while we bartenders stocked beer and closed shop.

Once we were all sufficiently intoxicated, one of the band-friends pulled out a camera-phone and announced that it was time to play the “Shout the Most Offensive Racist Slur You Can Think Of” game. BUSPAR online cod, Apparently, this is something they did after every show on the tour. BUSPAR FOR SALE, It was an easy-enough game. Everyone took turns shouting the most outrageous racial aspersion they could think of, followed by a round of uproarious laughter, hugs and backslapping, where can i buy cheapest BUSPAR online.

I don’t think I’d ever laughed that hard. There was something so freeing about it—especially the shouting part—as if the slurs were ostrich eggs we cracked against the wall and watched all the hate and anger—the yolk—of those words harmlessly dribble onto the floor.

When the camera pointed at me, Doses BUSPAR work, I stopped what I was doing and shouted, “Niggers don’t tip!” The two bruthas leaped up from their stools and high-fived and hugged and complimented me for such exquisitely hateful hate speech—all of which felt so good I wanted to leap over the bar and make out with them both.

3, BUSPAR FOR SALE. Should Ed Decker apologize? No, he should not. Because it would be the most bigoted thing he could do, where can i buy BUSPAR online.

After having spent the last 17 years razzing Christians, Jews, Muslims, Real brand BUSPAR online, Mormons, Scientologists, Africans, Asians, Arabs, buy BUSPAR from mexico, Latinos, Caucasians, Republicans, Buy BUSPAR without prescription, Democrats, athletes, musicians, sports fans, pot snobs, BUSPAR mg, beer snobs, snob-snobs, women, Online buying BUSPAR, men, cats, dogs, bikers, bar customers, after BUSPAR, bartenders, waitresses, MYSELF, Buy generic BUSPAR, my writing, my looks, my family, my friends, flight attendants, order BUSPAR no prescription, cartoonists,  parents, children, BUSPAR images, cheerleaders and guys named “Chaz” without a single “sorry” to share between them, wouldn’t it be patronizing to apologize now. Wouldn’t that assume gays and lesbians need coddling or special treatment. BUSPAR FOR SALE, I mean, yes, absolutely, I am “sorry” that my words have been hurtful to some, but I do not apologize, because I did nothing wrong.

That said, I don’t want any apologies, fast shipping BUSPAR, either. For those who called me a “homophobe,” “bigot, BUSPAR reviews, ” “hater,” “enemy to civil rights,” “ignorant” and “filth peddler,” warned me to  “watch my back” and spread my column around the country to stoke a response—no apologies necessary. In fact, BUSPAR photos, I’m stoked by the ferocity of your response. I’m stoked that you mobilized against what you perceived to be a hateful voice, stoked that your  days of taking shit and cowering in shadows are over, BUSPAR natural, that you’re increasingly more willing and able to shout, “In your face, homophobe!” Honestly, I’m so happy about that it makes me want to leap over the bar make out with each and every one of you.

Ed Decker

Epilogue: The letter from GLAAD

After I’d written the first draft of this column, I received a cordial, non-reactionary letter from GLAAD’s senior media strategist, Adam Bass:

At GLAAD we believe that a couple of your fictional gay biker group names used terms that were unnecessarily offensive.  The satire of the column was not lost on us, but we believe the jokes could have used different words to get the same point across.

The letter went on to ask that I not use words like “faggy,” “sodomite” and—this one took me by complete surprise—“homosexual.”
Because of the clinical history of the word ‘homosexual,’ it is aggressively used by anti-gay extremists to suggest that gay people are somehow diseased or psychologically / emotionally disordered…, BUSPAR FOR SALE. Please avoid using ‘homosexual’ except in direct quotes.

Here is my unabridged response to him:
Dear Adam, is BUSPAR addictive,

Thank you for your fair and reasonable letter. As a life-long hater of homophobia, I understand why so many in the LGBT community took offense to some of the language I used. BUSPAR forum, However, I must respectfully decline your request as I am a firm believer that what really matters in these situations is context.

A good example is the revelation (to me) that the word “homosexual” is now on the list of words I am not permitted to use. BUSPAR FOR SALE, First of all—and again, I say this with utmost respect and with no desire to offend—I do not recognize GLAAD’s authority over my vocabulary. My opinion is that there is absolutely nothing offensive about “homosexual.” It is—by its etymology—exactly what it defines, with zero innuendo, cheap BUSPAR. Homo means “same” and homosexuals are people who are sexually attracted to members of the same gender. It just couldn’t get any less offensive than that.

I mean, Online BUSPAR without a prescription, if we’re going to start indiscriminately banning words, I can think of one that is far more offensive than “homosexual,” yet is embraced by the gay community.  The word is “homophobe” and here’s why.

I think you would agree that the word “homo”, as a noun (not a prefix), is currently considered as one of the more offensive anti-gay slurs, BUSPAR FOR SALE. Well the word homophobe takes the word “homo” puts it in front of “phobe,” creating a word that means “fear and/or loathing of homos.”

Whoever coined the word “homophobia” didn’t know what they were doing because an etymological breakdown of the word shows that the word is actually made up of a prefix (homo as in “same”) and a suffix (“phobia” as in fear) without a root word, order BUSPAR online c.o.d.

Technically, homophobia means “fear of the same” which doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless, Rx free BUSPAR, you know, it is applied to someone with an irrational fear of cloning.

But that’s not what the coiners were doing. Whoever coined it was using homo as a root word – as in, “that guy is a homo” - and attached it to phobia, BUSPAR no rx, making homophobia more of a slur than homosexual. BUSPAR FOR SALE, However, it doesn’t have any anti-gay baggage so it remains acceptable – proving that context is what matters.

I also took issue with the reason GLAAD says “homosexual” is off the table, that it was “aggressively used by anti-gay extremists.”

Well, sure , any word can be aggressively used by extremists, even polite ones, or, in this case, clinical ones. That’s the point. It’s not the word; it’s the context. And the reason that “homosexual” is the next word on the chopping block is not because there is something wrong with it; rather, it’s that there is something wrong with the way some people use it.

If we ban “homosexual” and make “gay” the appropriate term, bigots will eventually start saying “gay” with contempt, and in 10 years we’re back to the same place, banning “gay” this time in favor of the next acceptable word, and the next—killing word after word without understanding that no matter how many words we kill, the bigots live forever, BUSPAR FOR SALE.

Thank you so much for your letter and the cordial tone with which it was written. I have great respect for GLAAD and its endeavors. Let me know if you need the gratis services of a spunky writer—I’d like to chip in.

Ed Decker,
San Diego CityBeat




Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION, I was zip, zip, zipping through Ocean Beach on my little, black and silver, 150-cc Lance Milan putt-putt motor scooter when I pulled alongside a real biker, dressed in full-blown biker-gang-guy regalia, leaning on his Harley waiting for the light to turn green.

We glanced at each other simultaneously. I nodded hello, Australia, uk, us, usa, and he—get this—laughed in my face. He looked at me, looked down at my bike—making a quick assessment about my manhood (which he identified as Level-7 Pussy)—looked back at me and laughed, ARCOXIA without a prescription, out loud, ARCOXIA recreational, real nasty-like. Then he turned away in disgust, as if a glob of bird shit had landed on my head and was dripping down my cheek.

It wasn’t a big deal, ARCOXIA for sale, really. Buy ARCOXIA online cod, I know the score. Harley riders deplore scooter riders the way stand-up comedians deplore mimes, BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION. And pretty much everyone else older than 12 thinks scooters are a joke, too, purchase ARCOXIA. Well, ARCOXIA overnight, everyone older than 12 can suck on my skid marks. My ride is a beast. It goes zero to 60 in—well, herbal ARCOXIA, actually, Order ARCOXIA from United States pharmacy, it doesn’t ever get to 60. BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION, But it can do 35, no problem—only takes a few minutes to get there. Then it’s zip-zip, putt-putt all over the place!

Seriously, where can i cheapest ARCOXIA online, though, ARCOXIA schedule, for me, a scooter makes crazy-good sense: For one, it’s a huge money saver, about ARCOXIA. The gas, Online buying ARCOXIA hcl, insurance, registration— even the cost of the vehicle itself—combined, are only a little more expensive than renting a couple of Pauly Shore impersonators for a party, ARCOXIA dosage. Second, ARCOXIA reviews, I work from home, which means no long freeway commutes. Lastly, buy ARCOXIA online cod, I live at the beach, ARCOXIA dose, where parking is scarce and traffic is fierce, making a scooter ideal because it parks anywhere and splits the lane to get to the front of the line at traffic lights—which is exactly what I was doing when I came upon the biker.

Now, for the record, buy ARCOXIA online no prescription, I didn’t nod to him as though I thought we were badass biker brethren of the road—as if we had something in common the way, Online buy ARCOXIA without a prescription, say, a Corvette owner would nod at another ’Vette owner, or the way black men in Alpine nod on the oft chance they cross paths, cheap ARCOXIA. No, BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION. I nodded to him because we were standing right next to each other, Ordering ARCOXIA online, looking at each other. It was a human-to-human nod for crissake, not biker-to-biker, order ARCOXIA from United States pharmacy. I would never consider my little putt-putt job to be in his hog’s league. ARCOXIA duration, However, I’m also not going to feel inferior because my chosen mode of transportation doesn’t meet the approval of a man who cuts off the arms of a leather jacket with a hacksaw and thinks that’s punk rock.

When the light turned green, he revved up and peeled out, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, leaving me in a poisonous cloud of noise pollution, ARCOXIA pics, hate pollution and pollution pollution. BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION, And what I thought as I stared at the back of his motorcycle jacket, with the motorcycle-club iron-on patch was, He thinks I’m the pussy!. The guy who irons decorative patches onto the back of a sawed-off leather jacket because he thinks that’s punk. The guy who replaced the stock tailpipes on his ride with ones that are twice as loud, australia, uk, us, usa, for no other reason than to be noticed and/or annoying. Order ARCOXIA online overnight delivery no prescription, The guy who belongs to some juvenile social club with handshakes, passwords, parliamentary-style bylaws and arbitrary officer rankings, ARCOXIA description. You know how those first meetings always go: “OK, Buying ARCOXIA online over the counter, so I’ll be the President, and Bear will be V.P., and Vulgor is the Road Captain, order ARCOXIA online c.o.d, and Sammy “the Hammer” will be Sergeant at Arms”—and then you have the “prospects, ARCOXIA maximum dosage, ” who are basically college-fraternity pledges, which is really what these biker gangs are, rolling fraternities, online ARCOXIA without a prescription, the only difference being that biker gangs have goofier names. Here are just a few nuggets of comedy I found on

• Organized Kaos (stifling my laughter), BUY ARCOXIA NO PRESCRIPTION. ARCOXIA long term,

• The Wastelanders (as if they were a gang of rolling marauders, scanning a post-apocalyptic hinterland for scantily clad, mute chicks and gasoline).

• Gospel Riders (who are, ARCOXIA canada, mexico, india, their website says, ARCOXIA trusted pharmacy reviews, “Motorcycling for Jesus”).

• The Centurions (actually, I wanted to name my first rock band The Centurions—when I was 15!)

• The Star of David Bikers (blood enemies of The Gospel Riders).

• A Few Good Men (which is not what you think; though, you have to wonder how it was possible not to notice the gayness dripping off that name).

Speaking of homosexual bikers, ARCOXIA pictures, I absolutely had to Google “gay motorcycle clubs” when researching this column. Fast shipping ARCOXIA, Alas, all that came up were totally inoffensive, non-hilarious monikers like The LGBT Motorcycle Club, ARCOXIA pharmacy, The Golden Gate Guards and The Spartan Motorcycle Club. Purchase ARCOXIA, What a disappointment. I was hoping for some totally awesome, totally faggy, buy ARCOXIA without a prescription, gay-biker-gang names, like The Sodomites, or The Truck Stop Cruisers, or the queer chapter of the Mongols Motorcycle Club—The Mangols. Or how about The Fag Hags, for a motorcycle gang composed of meth-addled straight chicks who follow The Mangols. Or, my all-time favorite gay-biker-gang name I just made up: Hell’s Anals.

I swear to God, I am seriously thinking about going gay just so I can wear that patch on the back of my sawed-off leather jacket. At least then, when I encounter one of these holier-than-thou Harley enthusiasts on my little zip-zip, putt-putt motor scooter, he’d have a reason to object to my presence: Because my iron-on biker-gang patch isn’t making fun of gay people; it’s making fun of him and his amusing fraternity, preposterous costume and obnoxiously loud tail pipes that he intentionally modified for no other reason than to be obnoxious and loud..

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Thursday, September 8th, 2011

AYGESTIN FOR SALE, Vice President Joe Biden collected some trouble recently when he seemingly endorsed China’s controversial population-control policy during his visit there.

“Your [one-child-per-family] policy has been one which I fully understand, Where can i order AYGESTIN without prescription, ” he told the crowd. “I’m not second-guessing.”

It didn’t take long for his enemies to pile on, including House Speaker John Boehner, AYGESTIN reviews, who said he was “deeply troubled” by Biden’s statement. About AYGESTIN, Doesn’t Boehner’s hyperbole make you wretch. He wasn’t just troubled by Biden’s remarks, see; he was deeply troubled—as if Boehner was pacing in his office all week, AYGESTIN description, brooding about the apocalyptic effect the VP’s speech will have on our nation.

“The result being,” Biden continued, “that [China is] in a position where one wage earner will be taking care of four retired people, AYGESTIN FOR SALE. AYGESTIN online cod, [It’s] not sustainable.”

Well, whaddaya know. Biden wasn’t endorsing it after all, order AYGESTIN from mexican pharmacy. Rather, Buy AYGESTIN without prescription, he was making an economic argument over a moral one. Because, as Biden knows, get AYGESTIN, when you attack someone’s morals, Buy no prescription AYGESTIN online, they become defensive and all progress comes to a halt. AYGESTIN FOR SALE, It’s called diplomacy.

Of course, I got a laugh out of the whole thing because, after AYGESTIN, while everyone else was demanding that Biden publicly denounce China’s family planning policy (which he did), AYGESTIN results, all I could think was, Denounce it!. Are you nuts, AYGESTIN trusted pharmacy reviews. Denouncing a one-child-only policy in China is like denouncing a one-mosquito maximum at your campsite. AYGESTIN use, Why would anyone denounce the greatest government moratorium  since the Trojans banned giant, rolling, wooden horses from entering their city gates, AYGESTIN used for.

To hell with the Great Wall—the one-child policy is the shit that belongs on all their tourism posters:

“Visit China—what few kids we have are muzzled.”


“Beijing, AYGESTIN FOR SALE. Where the brothels outnumber the brats!”

Oh, Buy AYGESTIN from mexico, sweet Republic of China—how long is thy immigration line. For I would gladly tolerate the traffic jams, pollution, AYGESTIN from canadian pharmacy, rampant public spitting, AYGESTIN class, government-controlled media, bizarre alphabet, squat toilets, AYGESTIN street price, avian influenza, AYGESTIN price, coupon, aggressive pro-panda propaganda (propandaganda?) and, worst of all, the 24-hour All Lucy Liu channel, fast shipping AYGESTIN, to live in a country that isn’t inundated with chil—OK, Order AYGESTIN no prescription, OK. I’ll stop. Sorry, purchase AYGESTIN for sale. AYGESTIN FOR SALE, I honestly didn’t intend to run the joke so far into the ground. You know I was joking, Buy AYGESTIN online cod, right. You know I know that the Chinese family-planning policy is barbaric. I would never support a law that limits our right to reproduce; however—isn’t it time our government stops promoting reproduction, buy AYGESTIN no prescription.

There are many tax benefits that incentivize procreation, AYGESTIN from mexico, not the least of which is the child tax credit, which gives families $1,000 for every dependent under 17, AYGESTIN images. That is udder bovine excrement, AYGESTIN FOR SALE. Given our overpopulation problems, AYGESTIN canada, mexico, india, people should be incentivized toward not having kids. We should give a $1,000 tax credit to every child a taxpayer does not have, AYGESTIN photos. If you don’t have two kids, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, you get a $2,000 credit. Not having four kids gets you $4, comprar en línea AYGESTIN, comprar AYGESTIN baratos,000. AYGESTIN FOR SALE, As for me, I plan on not having 15 children. Generic AYGESTIN, I know, I know, 15 is a lot of kids to not have, AYGESTIN maximum dosage, but the way I see it, Buy AYGESTIN without a prescription, I’ve got a lot of love not to give.

Another problem with the child tax credit is that it goes to the wrong people. Currently, AYGESTIN no rx, only families earning less than $110, AYGESTIN australia, uk, us, usa, 000 are eligible. That means we are subsidizing lower income-people to breed, which is utterly whackbasswards, AYGESTIN schedule.

Lower-income families usually have to work three or four jobs and can rarely afford quality childcare, so their unsupervised golem are free to loot convenience stores and drop bricks from overpasses all day, AYGESTIN FOR SALE. The last thing we want is for them to have more children. AYGESTIN dose, Better to incentivize upper-income people because they have money: They can afford a team of tyrant-nannies to crush their children’s spirits. They can afford to build a sound-proofed dungeon in which to shackle and torture the little murderers-in-the-making. They can afford to seal all their offspring’s orifices with expensive cosmetic surgery, ordering AYGESTIN online. AYGESTIN FOR SALE, And while I do oppose the Chinese concept of levying fines or prison sentences for violating one-child law, I am down with taxing parents extra. For instance, Herbal AYGESTIN, we should institute a “Screaming Hellion on the Plane” tax. I’d also like to see a “Too Much Pee in the Public Pool” tax; a “Mommy, Why is that Man so Fat and Other Insults” tax; an “Everything on TV Sucks Because We Can’t Let Kids Hear Bad Words or Encounter Adult Concepts” tax; and, rx free AYGESTIN, of course, a “No Fun Family Values Asshole” tax for all those a-hole parents who think they can dictate adult behavior—such as when we have to stop drinking beer at the ballpark, how much porn we can view in the public library, who can’t marry whom and how many feet away from the middle school we have to be when selling or buying our drugs—all in the name of protecting “the children.”

What’s that you say. Families are the backbone of America and we need to make it easier on parents to raise smart, healthy and productive members of society.

Are you crazy. Did you not see Children of the Corn, AYGESTIN FOR SALE. Scary, right. Well, turns out Children of the Corn wasn’t a horror movie after all. It was a documentary.

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Thursday, July 7th, 2011

COLOSPA FOR SALE, I love the Fourth of July. I am totally down with celebrating our country’s independence from British imperialism. Where can i find COLOSPA online, The only thing I can’t stand about this particular holiday is the excessive playing of patriotic music.

Not that I have anything against patriot songs, as a concept—they just tend to be artless bursts of propaganda and often downright false, COLOSPA without a prescription. Now, Effects of COLOSPA, it is true that sometimes I worry that I think this way about national anthems because my soul is a cold, black, petrified chunk of coughed-up lung cancer, order COLOSPA from United States pharmacy, but I just spent the last couple of days perusing the anthems of the world at, About COLOSPA, and it confirmed my suspicions: Most national anthems are enormous pieces of patriotic caca.

You know how these things go: Every country is the best country, COLOSPA FOR SALE. Every motherland is the most beautiful, inhabited by the bravest and most industrious people, is COLOSPA safe, who are loved by God more than anyone else. Where can i buy cheapest COLOSPA online, And they all have passages about opposing tyranny from other countries, which is funny when you think about it because, if all the countries are fighting tyranny, COLOSPA dose, then which countries are doing the tyrannizing. Discount COLOSPA, Well, all of them, of course, COLOSPA long term.

Even the most brutal dictatorships in history had anthems against tyranny. Take this passage from East Germany’s national propaganthem: COLOSPA FOR SALE, “Risen from the ruins. Order COLOSPA from United States pharmacy, . . / Germany, COLOSPA trusted pharmacy reviews, united Fatherland / Let the light of peace shine, Where can i cheapest COLOSPA online, so that a mother never mourns her son again.”

“Germany, united”? Oh, that’s rich, COLOSPA over the counter. They built a fucking wall through the middle of Germany.

“Let the light of peace shine so that a mother never mourns her son again”? Really, COLOSPA FOR SALE. Canada, mexico, india, How many mothers’ sons were shot trying to cross that thing?

The hypocritical anthem of Gaddafi’s Libya asks you to “Seize the forehead of the tyrant and destroy him!” which is appropriate, I guess, considering the propensity for despots to have offensive foreheads.


The American confederacy had an anthem, rx free COLOSPA, which called for “Freedom or death, Is COLOSPA safe, ” which meant, I guess, they would die before giving up their freedom, COLOSPA for sale. . Low dose COLOSPA, . to keep slaves. COLOSPA FOR SALE, Incidentally, the only modern country without a national anthem was Afghanistan, during the reign of the Taliban, which prohibited music. It’s probably why they were so easily defeated—they had no anthem to rally behind, effects of COLOSPA. It’s too bad, Herbal COLOSPA, because they could’ve easily gotten around the no-music problem. For instance, say they wanted to sing the anthem before one of their national sporting events, no prescription COLOSPA online, like a public flogging perhaps; well, COLOSPA cost, they could randomly pick someone out of the crowd, have him sing the anthem, then shoot him in the head for breaking Sharia law, COLOSPA coupon.

Even better, What is COLOSPA, they could’ve had someone perform the anthem in slam-poetry form: [Snapping fingers] “Afghanistan, oh great Afghanistan / Greatest when ruled by Taliban / Of which the west is not a fan / Death to all Americans.” [Snap, snap, COLOSPA pictures, snappity snap]. “Sharia law is our mandate / Lo, you may not masturbate / or even think to fornicate / And certainly not homosexualate.” [more snapping], COLOSPA FOR SALE. Online buying COLOSPA hcl,

As for “The Star Spangled Banner,” it’s a little embarrassing to admit, but I never thought about the lyrics before, kjøpe COLOSPA på nett, köpa COLOSPA online. I just assumed them to be more artless propaganda and have always tuned out the song. Generic COLOSPA, So, I was quite surprised to learn, upon deeper analysis, cheap COLOSPA, that our anthem doesn’t suck at all. Cheap COLOSPA no rx, The first thing I noticed was the brilliance of the title: “The Star Spangled Banner.” I never even thought about what that meant before. COLOSPA FOR SALE, In fact, it occurs to me that, until a few minutes ago, I didn't even know what the word "spangle" meant. Naturally, I looked it up, COLOSPA description.

I must be the only idiot in the country not to know that spangle , Comprar en línea COLOSPA, comprar COLOSPA baratos, in this context, means to shimmer or shine. Regardless, COLOSPA without prescription, what great imagery. COLOSPA overnight, The stars on the flag are (metaphorically) sparkling, like 50 little beacons of freedom on a banner of stripes. Not bad title imagery as far as anthem go, COLOSPA FOR SALE.

Then there is the story behind the lyrics, COLOSPA reviews. As is commonly known, About COLOSPA, “The Star Spangled Banner” was originally a poem by Francis Scott Key. It was about how he witnessed the 25-hour bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British navy on Sept. 13, ordering COLOSPA online, 1814. Less known is that Key was actually watching the battle from the deck of a British COLOSPA FOR SALE, ship, with a small group of Americans with whom he’d been detained. COLOSPA duration, From the deck, they watched in horror as the British armada besieged Fort McHenry with everything it had. They knew the country’s sovereignty lay in the balance, COLOSPA forum, and when night fell, it got so dark and smoky that they couldn’t see what condition the fort was in—only the flag, which eventually became obscured by smoke and darkness, too. It was not till the next morning that Key was able to see that the flag had survived, meaning the fort had survived, meaning America had survived.

“Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light. / What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?”

I never realized it before, but that stanza is Key telling his pals, “Hey, fellas, look, COLOSPA FOR SALE. Remember the flag that flew during last night’s shit-storm. It’s still freaking there!”

“Whose broad stripes and bright stars / thru the perilous fight / O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.”

Can you imagine that feeling, watching from the ramparts of the enemy’s ship as his countrymen sucked on British cannonballs all day and into the long, scary night of blackness—black but for the exploding British rockets that illuminated the flag. The next morning, when the sun rose—and he saw his flag, his country, still intact—Key must have thought, Well, holyfrickinshit, man, I have got to write a poem about that!

Now, I’m not all that crazy about the land-of-the-free-home-of-the-brave business, since all the other countries’ anthems have the same sort of free / brave lyric—which tells me that free / brave people don’t just live in America, they live everywhere. However, with a minor rewrite, something to make it more realistic, more self-actualized, I could learn to love the ending more.

How about this?: “O’er the land of the largely free, and the home of some brave.”

Happy birthday, America. We’re probably not the best, but we're definitely top 20, and that's something.

Ed Decker


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Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

[caption id="attachment_1754" align="alignleft" width="235" caption="Drawing by Jesse Egan"] BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION, [/caption]

I've been serving booze in this town since 1985. That’s 26 years behind the plank. Where can i cheapest DESYREL online, Truth is, I could have quit a long time ago, having parlayed other skills into a decent freelance business, DESYREL coupon, but I really do love bartending, Buy DESYREL from canada, and believed I could do it forever.

Well forever came early last month, when I was informed by the powers that be that my services would no longer be needed, DESYREL over the counter.

Now, No prescription DESYREL online, this is not going to be a screed against my former employers about how they could have fired such a hard working, honest, efficient, where can i buy cheapest DESYREL online, speedy and spectacular bartender (with handsome features and genius tendencies). They had their reasons, which I respect, BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION. DESYREL without a prescription, For the record, though, I did nothing wrong, order DESYREL from United States pharmacy, apart from the fact that I got older and the bar (710 Beach Club) got younger. DESYREL brand name, In dating parlance, you could say that we had "grown apart."

Indeed, the news of my unemployment came the day after my 49th birthday—a fact that has hit me pretty hard, online DESYREL without a prescription. Not because I’m getting old, Where to buy DESYREL, per se (I typically don't sweat birthdays), but because it probably means my bartending career has come to a close. I mean, purchase DESYREL for sale, let’s face it, DESYREL overnight, in this economy, there aren’t that many bar openings available, and the ones worth having are going to the young and fun babetenders, DESYREL treatment. BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION, Well, polly wolly doodle if that don’t suck my nuts. Bartending has been a part of my identity for as long as I can remember having an identity. Cheap DESYREL no rx, It’s how I know everybody I know, and that’s how everybody I know knows me. Christ, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, I haven’t worked at Winston's Beach Club for 15 years, DESYREL wiki, yet people still ask if I can get them on the guest list, which is really annoying because only friends have the right to request guest-list privileges, and if they were my fucking friends, online buying DESYREL hcl, they’d know that I haven’t worked at Winstons for 15 years. Order DESYREL no prescription, But I digress. The point is, I’m not a bartender anymore, and it’s time to face the fact, time for closure, BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION. Hence this column, which is a bittersweet farewell (or good riddance) to the people and things that were part of my life for so long, DESYREL long term. For instance, DESYREL dangers, I would like to send a heartfelt farewell to my former co-workers and bosses at 710 Beach Club. It’s been a brilliant 12 years. Thanks for all of them, DESYREL images. BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION, Farewell to my customers—regular or infrequent—who never gave me no guff. Your business was greatly appreciated. DESYREL pictures, To the sumptuous cosmo-metro mamas, the busty, blondie, DESYREL for sale, beachy babes and the “Just-flew-in-from-Louisiana” Susyannas—who grinded each other’s pelvises on the dance floor in a Technicolor, Order DESYREL online c.o.d, quasi-lesbo grope-show—fare thee well, my fairy fays.

But, DESYREL alternatives, to all the drunken trolls who approached them and said or did something trollish, Buy DESYREL no prescription, thereby bringing the Technicolor lesbo-grope show to a screeching halt—good riddance.

Good riddance, in fact, DESYREL from mexico, to all the buffoons who inappropriately touched or leered at any of my female customers.

Good riddance to all the jukebox hoarders who played $20 worth of Celine Dion and Lil’ Bow Wow while Johnny Cash paced  in the green room, guitar slung over his back, waiting to go on, BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION. Where can i buy DESYREL online, And to all you impatient bastards who like to bang your bottle on the bar to summon the bartender, I bid thee a mighty middle-fingered good riddance. May the bottle break in your hand and sever a nerve, DESYREL samples.

To all the moocher-Minnies who rested their ample breasts on the bar and fake-flirted with me to get a freebie—I say, DESYREL canada, mexico, india, "hidey, hidey, hidey ho--ho's." However, DESYREL description, to all those ladies who rested their breasts on the bar for no other reason than their breasts were tired, Buy no prescription DESYREL online, well, hidey, hidey, DESYREL natural, hi my lovelies. Low dose DESYREL, To every band that rocked out, even on the nights when no one was there, but played like the room was full and your stomachs empty, buy DESYREL from mexico, and said "please" and "thank you" when you ordered on your bar tab, Purchase DESYREL, and were just all-round good guys—goodbye, farewell, good luck, buy DESYREL online cod. BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION, But to all the bands who bitched incessantly—on and off stage—and brought down the mood of the room with your grumpy, faux-rock-star demeanor, then had the balls to act like I sold your sister to slavery when I said your bar tab was a mere $75—good riddance. May your next million gigs be played at the Shady Meadows Senior Assisted Living Facility and Resort. Buy cheap DESYREL no rx, And to all those off-duty bartenders who asked for the (wink-wink) bartender discount, adios, mofos, DESYREL duration. I didn’t give you the bartender discount because you aren’t a real bartender. A real bartender never asks for a discount.

To all you last-call lizards who never could quite grasp the concept of closing time and refused to leave, even as the clock ticked ever-dangerously toward the 2 a.m, BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION. mark, and held on to your nearly empty bottle of backwash so tightly that I had to pry it from your hands and literally push you out the motherfucking door—oh, man, oh man, good riddance to youse.

To the Baileys Irish Cream—arriverderci. You always fouled my sinks right after I changed the water.

Au revoir, while we’re at it, to being hunched over the sink washing glasses all night.

Auf Wiedersehen BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION, , broken glass in the ice bin (you cut me the deepest).

Don’t let the door smack you on the way out, bar rot.

Catch you later, San Diego vice squad and undercover minor-decoy operation.

Buh-bye, sloppy, excessive-high-fiving white guy.

Ciao, garnish-tray gobblers (it ain’t a buffet!).

Hasta la vista, “I-lost-my-beer-now-give-me-a-new-one-dude” (It’s not my job to babysit your beer.)

See ya, sticky, broken soda gun, BUY DESYREL NO PRESCRIPTION.

Cheerio, cherrys, and the industrial-sized jar you came in, filled with the chemicalized maraschino syrup that causes hand-cancer.

Too-da-loo, fruit flies.

And tautugniagmigikpiñ*, slimy lemons and limes. I will miss youse all the way Maria Shriver misses her housekeeper.

But to the rest of it—the people and things that make bartending great—fare thee well, fare thee well and a-polly wolly doodle all the day.

Ed Decker

*Tautugniagmigikpiñ is how Alaskan Eskimos say goodbye.


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