“. . . about 90 percent of the nation’s Roman Catholics ignore their church’s teaching on contraception.”
Tim Townsend, St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Earlier this month, the order of American Catholic Bishops held a conference for the purpose of, among other things, to reexamining the Church’s position on birth control.
Almost unanimously the Bishops reaffirmed their position, which is, and has always been, the following: Artificial contraception is a mortal sin.
“Artificial” contraception, incidentally, is birth control by means of abortion, condom, vasectomy (and other forms of sterilization), intrauterine devices, the pill and even premature withdrawal.
Of course, it didn’t matter to the bishops when they voted (nor should it have) that 90 percent of American Catholics ignore the Church’s position on birth control, or at least that’s what some polls say (scarce though they be).
Sure, the numbers could be off a bit. There’s not a whole lot of data on the subject. But 90 percent sounds about right to me. And that’s an astonishing figure. Ninety percent (or so) of American Roman Catholics ignore the Church’s ban on birth control? That means that nine out of 10 of American Catholics are not even actually Catholics. Calling yourself a Catholic while continuing to use birth control is like saying you’re a Led Zeppelin fan though you don’t really care for their music.
Face it, you are not a Catholic. You’re something else: You are Catholic-esque. You are Catholic-ish. You’re not a Roman Catholic; you’re a Fauxman Catholic, an unCatholic, an optional Catholic. You are a Catholic with an asterisk.
The Church has explicitly forbidden birth control for the 1900 or so years it has existed, and every time they have one of these conferences, they reiterate the point. No contraception, stupid! If anyone were still confused, Pope Paul VI issued a decree in 1968 called Humanae Vitae, which underscored the Church’s everlasting opposition to unnatural contraception.
The scriptures are equally adamant. The Bible mentions a certain wicked man named Onan, son of Judah, who committed a mortal sin when he “spilled his semen on the ground” because he did not want to impregnate his dead brother’s widow.
“And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the lord, and he slew him also.” (Genesis. 38:8-10).
Holy crap! Onan got slewed! This is not one of those ambiguous canons the Bible is littered with. There is nothing ambiguous about he got slewed. Everything in the scriptures and Vatican edict and Catholic history points to the inviolable prohibition of contraception. There is no confusion about this. It’s not a matter of 90 percent of American Catholics misinterpreting or misunderstanding Church doctrine; it is a matter of their ignoring it–because it’s too inconvenient not to.
That’s what they do, these Catholics*, these Ninety Percenters, these Nine out of Tenners–they pick and choose their moralities. You do it, too. So do I. Everybody does it. Everybody always did and everybody always will pick and choose her or his own moralities.
So what did we need religion for? If we’re going to cherry pick our moralities, what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that we do. As my friend Tony says, “Don’t even get me started on what the world would be like if we all freely procreated and birthed ignorant and unloved humans en masse because the non-coiters say we should.”
So why does the Church oppose birth control? Well, it has to do with the sacrament of marriage that is entered into with God. The union between you, your spouse and God centers on the idea of life. Humanae vitae means “of human life” and to do anything that debases life is an insult to God and his union unto you.
“[T]he idea is connecting sex and God,” says Christopher West of the Theology of the Body Institute of Westchester.
Connecting sex and God? Oh, Christ, that sounds like a Ménage à trois between God, you and your spouse. Talk about a holy trinity. Well, at least now we know why “Oh God” is one of the most uttered phrases during lovemaking (second only to, “Hey, how’d those midgets get in here?”). It’s because he’s right there in bed with you!
Ugh. A threesome with God? Do I really want my wife comparing my sexual prowess to the Lord Almighty? I mean, the guy painted the underside of the universe with his tongue. How the Hell am I going to measure up against Old Galaxy-Phallus? And you know the whole affair will be an emotional roller coaster of jealousy and regret:
Me (talking on phone to wife): “Honey, when I get home, I’m gonna rip off your clothes and make wild passionate love with you.”
She: “Will God be joining us?”
Me: “I thought maybe, you know, it could just be you and me tonight, like before we were married. Whaddya say?”
She: “Um, I don’t know babe, I think I feel a headache coming on. . . ”
“And lo, that night, Edwin did spill his seed into a girlie magazine. And the Lord saw he had done an abominable thing, and he slew him quite badly. And then The Lord did make unto Edwin’s wife the mack daddy moves, and soon after, they moved in together, and they got a cat, and a salad bowl set, and yay did the cable man install premium cable, and. . .” well, I’m just not sure about all this connecting sex and God business.
I guess the point I’m making is this: Ditch the Church people. You know what’s right and wrong: Love is right, volunteer work is right, birth control is right but killing is wrong, stealing is wrong, and rooting for Donovan McNabb’s injury to be career threatening is wrong (forgive me lord for I have sinned). You don’t need the Church to make these decisions for you. Make them yourselves. Think for yourselves. Do the right thing, not the obedient thing.
EJD
11/24/06
Tags: birth control, bishops, catholic church, conference
Hi Ed:
Hey, am I missing something????? Why in the world would you care how pious Catholics are to the faith. Unless of course, it’s the cowardly way to hide behind Catholicism and say “I REALLY HATE GOD.” I dare you to rewrite the article using Jew instead of Catholic (not that you SHOULD). Only trying to make the point that because you ARE a coward, you stick to the only acceptable and super safe bigorty in American, Catholicsm. Whew, that’s edgy, just like Madonna. When Madonna comes out in a burqua and you can write this same article using Jews, then we can all know how convincted you really are to “religious advice & concern.”
By the way, maybe you should actually READ humane vitae. It will scare the crap out of you as ro how it all came true! And worst part, it’s ain’t over. I also suggest you read more than a tag line from Christopher West. Sadly, what you need most you revile. We are all a bunch of injured human beings, all looking for love, in all the wrong places. JPII”s teaching on the Theoogy of the Body, if understood, would change you life.
You are so much better then what you write. And I mean that sincerely. Trust me, the teachings of the Catholic Church is that God you despise reaching out to help all of us. Rest assured, he’s patient, and the more you spew, the more we pray. You fool no one. When you write like this, all we see is a very broken man, a man devoid of authentic love. And that is why we pray for you Ed.
Donna
Regarding “With an Asterisk” in San Diego City Beat November 29, 2006, pg. 9:
Mr. Decker,
First and foremost, I am puzzled by your choice of venue for such an article. While for the most part it is an obviously well thought argument, why would you publish this in City Beat?
I would like to begin by addressing your final statement, the seeming point to the entire argument, “Think for yourselves. Do the right thing, not the obedient thing.” Is it not possible that “right” and “obedient” can be the same? Are they mutually exclusive?
While I myself do not believe that birth control is a mortal sin, I respect the Church for standing up for human life. If the Church’s stance on birth control is wrong, its heart is in the right place. If you notice, Protestants often scream against abortion while screaming for the death penalty and for unjust war. It seems that the Catholic Church does not wish to have such a contradiction in their doctrines. If it is wrong to take life at the beginning then it is wrong to take life at the end. The Church simply draws the line earlier than the line I draw; the Church even forbids masturbation on these grounds! With all this in mind, I appreciate the respect for life the Church demands.
Finally, an appeal to “Ditch the Church” on such grounds is insane. People are not called into the body of Christ to be perfect, but to be perfected. In fact, the Church is the only place in the world where we can exist as broken people – people who are flawed, people who harm others, people whose actions are “displeasing in the sight of the lord” – and still find the love of Jesus Christ present for us all. To leave such a place because of a minor disagreement is insanity. If a person has a problem with the Church, where can they better generate change than inside its walls? If a person tries to be a member of the body of Christ to the best of their ability while disagreeing with its hierarchy on one issue, is that person really “not a Catholic”? Are they really “a Catholic with an asterisk”?
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Matthew
Alhough I am by no means a religious fundamentalist, nor am I all that religious at all, I am so highly offended by your vile rants that I would truly cherish pissing on your grave while skull-fucking your most beloved relative.